Which Way Is Home? Page 3

  Putting our dollies to bed is not a simple process. Both dollies must have their hair brushed and braided, their faces washed, and their nightgowns put on. Then they have to be tucked into bed, and we have to sing and say prayers with them until they fall asleep.

  I add another blanket to my doll’s bed and fluff the pillow under her head. Gar is curled up on his pillow between my bed and the doll’s bed, and I lay a blanket over him too. His ear has healed, but still I am very gentle with him.

  “Let’s say prayers before Babicka comes in.”

  “Okay,” replies Maruska. She makes the sign of the cross on herself and then on her doll.

  I do the same and then I begin. “God bless Babicka and our mamas, our aunties, and our uncles. God bless Pavel and Ruzena. God bless Papa, and please keep him safe and let me see him again soon. God bless Maruska. And God bless Gar and all the animals.”

  Maruska cuddles her doll and adds, “God bless Anna, and God bless my father, and please bring him back to me.” I hug Maruska close. She has said that prayer every night since her father’s been gone.

  “Amen,” we finish together.

  As we hurry to climb into bed before Babicka comes in, we are startled by headlights shining through our window and the sound of a car in the driveway. People rarely arrive by car and even less frequently at night, unannounced. Gar lets out a sharp bark, and we rush to the window to see what’s going on, but even before we can look out, the door opens and Teta J enters our room, followed by Babicka. Maruska throws herself into her mother’s arms, delighted by this unexpected visit. It’s only been a week since Teta J left, and we didn’t expect her back until the end of the month.

  “Mama! You’re back! I missed you!” Maruska exclaims.

  “I missed you too!” Teta J sits down and pulls Maruska onto her lap.

  “Are you staying?” asks my cousin, full of hope.

  “Not this time, my dear. I’ve just come to surprise Anna. She’s going to go on a trip to visit Pavel at camp, and we have to leave right away.”

  At this, I leap off the bed. “Really?! We get to visit Pavel?! I’ll get ready right now.”

  “Me too!” Maruska announces, jumping off her mother’s lap and hurrying to open the closet.

  Her mother follows her and gently closes the closet door. “No, darling, not you too. I’m sorry, but I can only take Anna.”

  Maruska whirls around, tears streaming down her face. “Why can’t I go? That’s not fair! I want to see Pavel!”

  My aunt tries to hold Maruska in her arms, but Maruska struggles away, throwing herself onto the bed and crying bitterly.

  “I’m sorry, Maruska, but you are too young to make the trip. Anna can go because she’s older.”

  “She’s only eleven,” sobs Maruska. “That’s only three years older! I don’t want to stay here alone! I want to see Pavel! I never get to do anything!”

  “It’s only for a few days. I would look after her. Why can’t she come?” I plead.

  At this point, Babicka takes over. “Not this time, Anna. She just can’t this time. Now, let’s get you ready.”

  While my aunt tries to console my weeping cousin, my grandmother helps me put on my Sokol uniform, which is my favorite outfit. I feel proud as I look in the mirror and see myself in the skirt, blouse, and jacket that represent my gymnastics team. I straighten the kerchief around my neck and smooth my hair behind my ears. I think I look very grown-up. A few minutes later, I am hugging a tearstained Maruska goodbye. Gar lays his head in her lap, and I am glad that she will have him to keep her company.

  “Don’t worry. I’ll be back in a few days and I’ll tell you everything!”

  As I go to hug my grandmother, I see tears in her eyes too. I give her a big hug and kiss.

  “Don’t be sad, Babicka,” I say. “I’ll be home soon. I promise.”

  She hands me a cloth satchel full of food.

  “This is for your trip.” She sighs.

  I wonder why she is giving me so much food for just a few hours’ journey on the train, but I nod and thank her and put the strap over my shoulder.

  She takes my face in her hands and kisses my forehead.

  “Hodná holčička, good girl,” she whispers. “And may the good Lord keep you safe on your travels.”

  Chapter 10

  AN UNEXPECTED JOURNEY

  I SIT WITH my nose an inch from the windowpane, watching my reflection mingle with the scenery rushing past. I pretend the cows and horses are my thoughts leaping out of my head and into the countryside.

  Teta J had to return her car to her hotel, so we spent the night there and got on a train to Prague first thing this morning. The fields and forests slip away, and I strain to see the dark outline of Prague Castle rising majestically above the city. Teta J sits straight-backed and silent, absorbed in a book, oblivious to me and the world outside the window.

  * * *

  By the time Teta J and I get off the train in Prague, it’s midmorning and the rain has started again. It doesn’t feel much like summer, and I’m glad to have my warm uniform jacket and thick knee socks as we walk through the slick cobblestone streets to the apartment that my family keeps for when my father works in the city.

  Just as we approach our street, Teta J takes my hand and guides me in a different direction. I wonder where we’re going, but for some reason I get the feeling I shouldn’t ask. Maybe it’s the way she’s holding my hand so tightly or the anxious look in her eye, but something makes me go with her in silence.

  A few blocks later, we arrive at our destination, and I recognize it immediately. It is the apartment building where my father’s best friend, Dr. V, lives. My heart pounds with excitement. Maybe my father is there! I hurry up the stairs behind my aunt and hold my breath as she knocks on the door.

  The door swings open, and Mrs. V stands there smiling.

  “Hello! Come in, come in,” she says, ushering us into the small front hall. Even from where I am standing in the doorway, I can see that something’s not right. The apartment is in chaos. Clothing, books, and paintings are scattered everywhere in the rooms beyond the hall, and boxes and suitcases are piled by the door. We follow Mrs. V into the living room, where my mother and Ruzena are sitting on the floor sorting papers and books into more boxes. I look around the apartment, but my father is not there.

  My mother rises to greet us, and as she hugs me, she says, “Anna, I need you and Ruzena to run an errand for me. Ruzena knows what needs to be done. Be a good girl and go quickly with her.” Ruzena is already buttoning her coat and heading toward the door. I hand Mama the satchel of food from Babicka and hurry after my sister.

  When we get out into the street, Ruzena takes me roughly by the arm. “Come on!” she says, pulling me along beside her as she rushes forward.

  “Ow, let go! Where are we going?” I say, struggling to free my arm. Ruzena only tightens her grip and turns sharply into a narrow alley between two tall buildings. It is dark and empty in the cold wet alley, and I’m scared.

  “What do you think is going on here?” Ruzena asks in a furious whisper. “Do you really think we’re going to visit Pavel at Boy Scout camp?”

  I look at her blankly.

  “Of course we’re not! We’re leaving. We’re going to escape from Czechoslovakia and the Communists and go find Papa. And here you are wearing this stupid jacket with your name on the sleeve. Don’t you realize that if the Russians catch us trying to leave, they’ll throw us in jail to punish Papa?” With that, Ruzena rips the badge off my sleeve and stuffs it down the sewer drain.

  I feel as if all the breath has left my body. Is this real or is she just trying to scare me? And Babicka let me wear my uniform, so it must be okay—lots of kids wear them—but Ruzena always thinks she knows better. I can’t find any words to respond, so I just let Ruzena lead me out of the alley and into the busy s
treet. I walk in a daze beside her to the train station and up to the ticket window, where she buys three tickets without even looking at me.

  Back at the apartment, my mother is all alone, and she’s changed into a stylish brown suit and high heels. Her long hair is pulled up in a twist, and she’s wearing some makeup. She looks like she’s ready for a day of shopping in Prague, and once again I hope that maybe Ruzena was just trying to scare me. But as I walk farther into the apartment, a cold feeling creeps over me.

  We haven’t been gone for longer than an hour, and yet the apartment’s completely empty. It looks as though no one’s ever lived there. Three small suitcases stand near the door.

  We each pick up a bag and follow my mother out the door in silence.

  Chapter 11

  TRAINS, BOOKS, AND GLOVES

  I HOLD TIGHT to my suitcase as we walk toward the train station. Ruzena keeps close to Mama on the other side.

  “We can walk at a quick pace, girls, but be calm about it. We don’t want to draw attention to ourselves by looking like we’re in a rush,” Mama says in a low voice. She talks casually and keeps her face relaxed as if we are going on holiday and she’s just chatting about the weather. “We’ll be taking three trains, so pay attention and stay close to me. Everything will be all right. Just go along with everything I say and do, and please don’t ask any questions.”

  Ruzena and I nod in silence. I try to return Mama’s smile but can’t quite manage it. I pick up a small, smooth pebble from the sidewalk and drop it into my pocket. If we really are leaving, I’m taking a piece of home with me.

  * * *

  We squeeze down the corridor of the train. It’s so crowded I can hardly breathe. There’s only one open seat in a six-passenger compartment, and Ruzena and I take turns sitting in it or on our suitcases, trying to take up as little space as possible. It’s so stuffy that we keep the door of the compartment open to get a little more air. Mama stands in the corridor, just outside our compartment door, reading a book called Wuthering Heights.

  Mama is usually quiet with strangers, but now she is talking to a man we don’t know about the book she’s reading and how she recently bought three pairs of kid gloves. He seems very interested in the gloves. I guess it’s because it’s so hard to find anything fancy like that these days. Maybe Mama’s just trying to pass the time, but it is still very odd. When the man moves on down the corridor, Mama tells us we’ll be getting off at the next stop.

  The second train is just as crowded as the first, and again Mama has odd conversations with strangers. It’s past dinnertime when we get on the third train. I’m sleepy and hungry, but Mama is talking to another man, and even though she is talking softly, I can hear her mention kid gloves again.

  There aren’t any available seats on this train, so I perch precariously on my suitcase surrounded by people who smell of sweat, rain, and tobacco. It’s dark and raining outside, and I doze off until Ruzena shakes me awake to get off the train. Mama leads us to a car, and when we get in, she talks softly to the driver.

  We’ve been traveling all day on a trip I didn’t even know we’d be taking.

  And now I don’t know where we are or where we’re going.

  As the car pulls away from the train station, I squeeze the pebble I picked up in Prague until it makes a deep indent in my palm. It hurts, but I don’t let go.

  I’m trying so hard to hold on to home.

  Chapter 12

  HOTEL BLUE STAR

  THE CAR PULLS up in front of an old gray stone building. A peeling sign above the door reads HOTEL BLUE STAR. Ruzena and I are almost too exhausted to stand when we get out of the car, but Mama marches up the front steps of the hotel with a straight back and we follow.

  A man behind a counter greets us and leads us up a narrow flight of stairs and down a dim hallway that smells like old cabbage soup. Even though the smell is unappetizing, I can hear my stomach growl. He unlocks the door to our room and gives my mother the key. There are two wide beds with down comforters on them, and I long to lie down. A small lamp on a low table between the beds gives the only light the room has to offer and sheds a warm glow. The man and my mother exchange a few words, and then he nods to us and leaves, closing the door behind him. Once we are alone, Ruzena and I collapse on the nearest bed.

  “You girls must be starving,” Mama says. “The hotel clerk says there is a restaurant downstairs. Let’s go and have a proper dinner.”

  Ruzena and I revive ourselves at the prospect of a meal, and once we have washed our hands and faces, we follow Mama back downstairs. I wonder if the cabbage-soup smell reflects what will be served in the restaurant, but then Mama opens a door, and we enter a cozy dining room that smells of freshly baked bread. As we settle into our seats, I feel myself relax for the first time all day. Each of us orders the same thing: vepřo knedlo zelo—roast pork with dumplings and braised cabbage. The meal is as good as any my grandmother would make back home.

  I can almost hear Papa complimenting Babicka. “Thank you for another delicious meal,” he says as he lays his napkin by the side of his plate. “The knedlíky was especially light and tasty.”

  “You must thank Anna for that,” Babicka replies. “She practically made the dumplings by herself.”

  Papa wraps his arm around me as I come to take his plate. “Well, thank you, madam! Only ten years old and already an accomplished chef. I’m impressed!” I snuggle with him for a moment, and he tells me, “Run those dishes to the kitchen, and then we’ll take our walk.”

  Mama and Papa walk slowly, holding hands, and I skip ahead to the strawberry patch to see if there’s any ripe fruit. As I run back with a handful of berries, I watch my parents—my tall, handsome father with his thick black hair combed neatly off his forehead and my graceful mother beside him. They have stopped in front of a large peony bush that is bursting with pink blossoms.

  Papa loves to talk about nature, so I assume he is telling Mama something about the flowers, but when I draw nearer, I see how serious their expressions are. “But when do you have to leave?” I hear Mama ask.

  “I’m not sure,” Papa replies. Then he catches sight of me and smiles. “Mmmm, I hope you’ll share some of those berries with me!” He and Mama each pop a berry into their mouths.

  “Delicious! Thank you, Anna,” Mama says. Papa takes my hand, swinging it back and forth as we continue our walk.

  * * *

  I am shaken from my memories when the waiter places a bowl of ripe strawberries on the table to end the meal. Just tasting one, I can hardly hold back my tears.

  Back upstairs, we quickly pull on our nightgowns and fall into bed. One bed is meant for me and Ruzena and the other for Mama, but tonight I want to feel safe, so I get out of my bed, where Ruzena is already fast asleep, and stand at the edge of Mama’s. She lifts the covers to let me in and wraps her arms around me. She kisses my hair, sings a quiet lullaby, and falls asleep.

  I sink into the pillows, but I can’t sleep because my mind keeps drifting back to Roven. What’s Maruska doing now? Is she putting her doll to bed? Is she kissing Babicka good night?

  Are they missing me the way I’m missing them?

  Chapter 13

  LEARNING HOW TO TALK

  THE NEXT MORNING, I’m awakened by a knock on the door. I sit up, rubbing my eyes.

  Mama and Ruzena are already out of bed and dressed. Mama is reading her book, and Ruzena is staring out the window at the overcast sky. Mama carefully puts down her book and opens the door.

  The man from the night before is standing in the doorway holding a tray with a plate of buns, three cups, and a small pot of coffee. Mama holds the door wide so he can enter. He places the tray on the low table and looks at me. I smile at him. I’m hungry for breakfast, and I’m glad there will be something warm to drink even though I’m not used to coffee without lots of milk.

  “That looks good. Tha
nk you,” I say.

  He smiles back. “You’re welcome,” he says, seemingly surprised I am talking to him. He turns to my mother. “It looks like today will be a good day for you to leave after all,” he says softly. “It is pretty dark and the weather is bad. You should be able to travel unnoticed. The car will be outside in half an hour.”

  My mother nods and thanks him, and he leaves with a quick nod to us.

  After we eat our breakfast, I put my Sokol uniform back on. I pack my nightgown into the bag that now holds everything I own. Besides my nightgown, there are only a few sets of underclothing, some knee socks, a pair of thick stockings, a blouse, a skirt, a warm sweater, and my best dress. There is also a small zippered case with my hairbrush, toothbrush, two hair bows, and two handkerchiefs.

  Mama stands with her back to the door. “Now, before we leave, I must teach you girls a new way of speaking. You must learn to talk softly without actually whispering. If you whisper, it will draw attention, but if you simply talk softly, no one will notice or overhear what you say.”

  With that, Mama changes the register and volume of her voice. “From now on,” she continues, “whenever we’re in a place where someone might be listening, you must only speak like this.” Her voice is soft but clear, and there is no breathy sound that comes with whispering. Ruzena and I try to imitate the way Mama speaks, and when she’s satisfied that we’ve done it correctly, she says, “Good, you’ve got it.”

  “How can you tell if someone is trying to listen?” I ask.

  “You can’t, dear, and that’s why we must be very careful.”

  Chapter 14

  NO-MAN’S-LAND